Tiger Woods? Meet Kobe Bryant

Say what you will about Kobe Bryant, but the man works well under pressure. Seven game winning shots this season alone, 2000 NBA Finals Game 4 overtime, and beyond basketball, successfully rebounding from character assassination. Hey, the guy's got the fundamentals down.

The same, unfortunately, cannot be said about Tiger Woods, who insists on sporadically reminding the public of his private issue. Yes, private. What happened should be between him and his family. Instead, he gives a late press conference "performance," and then, references his debacle in the commercial (below) that is meant to jump start his comeback:



Using his late father in an attempt to garner public affection? Not exactly a class act.

The story stays alive only because Tiger keeps feeding the media machine. He should take a lesson from the Kobe Bryant playbook: shut up, and let your game do the talking.

Tiger Woods Needs a New PR Team

If I were to grade Tiger's PR team based on their most recent project, I would give it a big fat F. Underlined twice. Circled with a red marker. With a note that requires a parent signature.

First, the silence. We are living in an information age where news is constantly pushed through to the public via a variety of traditional and non-traditional channels. By staying silent, you opened the door to speculation and forced the media to dig up their own stories. Annihilate that snowball early and you wouldn't have had to deal with the avalanche of public frenzy.

Second, the sex rehab (euphemized into "therapy"). I'd sooner believe that aliens are living amongst us than Tiger is addicted to sex. Unless that "therapy" session is led by real-life-almost-40-year-old-virgin AC Green titled "How to Manage Temptation," I can't imagine how helpful it would be. Only poor deluded individuals would fall for this scheme.

Lastly, the scripted press conference. Made us wait for nearly three months and that's it? Reality shows at least try to pretend that they aren't scripted! The 15 minute speech followed by the hugs from family and friends is so textbook that PR professors are thanking you for the material for next week's class. The apology lacked any sign of emotion, and therefore, was completely unconvincing.

Next time, schedule the press conference earlier, take some speech/acting classes instead of sex rehab, and bring the wife instead of the mother. Then America will undoubtedly welcome you back with open arms, because the only thing we like more than kicking people when they're down is watching them get back up.

Allow Me to Reintroduce Myself

Whether you have known me for ages or not, in real life or virtual, below is a sampling of tidbits that most people don't know about me so we can all start from scratch:

My biggest impulse purchase was a Sergio Rossi pump, although I'm pretty sure absolutely no one is surprised that it was shoe-related.

When I am home alone and feelin' it, I sing and sometimes dance. And when I say sing, I mean really wail. Some days I sound like Mariah Carey, some days I sound like Ashlee Simpson, but most days I'm somewhere in between.

Despite believing in the fluidity of sexuality (which may be a later post), I've only recently experienced my first girl-on-girl kiss against my will and was too inebriated to recall any of it. Thank goodness for pictures.

I prefer salty snacks over sweets. While chocolate is delish, I rarely ever crave it.

I had corrective surgery to make my face more symmetrical. One eye had a double eyelid and the other didn't, and putting on makeup was getting to be a nuisance. They operated before the anesthesia set in, and it was quite possibly the most physical pain I have ever experienced.

I like the taste of blood. Sometimes I bite my cuticles until they bleed.

I've never had a crush on an authority figure (e.g. teachers) which is bizarre seeing as though I have fantasies about control. My theory is that it stems from missing a constant father figure in my life.

I was incredibly spoiled as a little girl--first class flights, private schools and designer clothes. That all stopped when I immigrated from Taiwan to America with my mother.

I have seen every single episode of the Amazing Race for all 15 seasons, and counting. If I could, that's how I would choose to live life.

In my first internship in the states, I anchored the news show "Focus on our Town" (affectionately shortened to FOOT) for a community cable channel. Reading from a teleprompter is surprisingly fun.

Even though I've lived in a house with a pool for what seems like forever, I have never had sex in one.

I have a typing speed of 102 wpm, with 98% accuracy.

There is nothing that I've haven't cheated on--tests, games and boyfriends--but that period is distantly behind me.

Although my cartilage piercing swells sometimes when it's infected, I refuse to take it out because I think it somehow embodies my youth.

My biggest fear used to be failure, but been there, done that so many times that now I'm unfazed. I guess I can be reclassified as fearless. Except spiders. They give me the heebie-jeebies.